Pretzel Problems
by ThePerfectImp
Summary: A Kim Possible World Showcase Adventure Story - Ben Credible, a new member of Team Possible, must fly to Germany and deal with Professor Dementor's evil Mind Control Pretzels, "now in Sour Cream und Evil flavor!" Based on the EPCOT Center Attraction.


**Pretzel Problems  
>By Donald Speirs<strong>

Based on the Kim Possible World Showcase Adventure Attraction  
>Disney EPCOT Park, Walt Disney World, Florida.<p>

Kim Possible and all related characters were created by Bob Schooley & Mark McCorkle  
>Kim Possible © 2002 The Walt Disney Company<br>Kim Possible World Showcase Adventure © 2009 The Walt Disney Company

No rights infringement intended.

_Author's Note: In addition to writing fiction (both original and fan-based), I write a daily blog about Walt Disney World. In July, 2011 I wrote an article about the Kim Possible World Showcase Adventure at Epcot, and had the idea that I could include a small section from the point of view of someone fantasizing they were in Kim's world while playing the game. That is, after all, what the attraction is designed to do._

_All I really wanted was maybe, oh, 4-5 paragraphs. But you know how sometimes a story just starts flowing out of you and you just can't walk away from it? This one is one of those – all 7400 words of it._

_The main character is totally a Mary Sue - I'm very upfront about this. But again, that's the purpose of the attraction._

_You __become a member of Team Possible.__You __get a Kimmunicator.__You __find the clues.__You __solve the Puzzles,__You __catch the bad guy.__You __get a naked mole rat._

_Well, maybe everything except the naked mole rat. And a hair dryer grappling gun would have been nice as well._

_All of the major plot points and clues in the story are from the attraction, as is the denouement. This is just me taking these things and weaving some narrative fun around them._

_I hope you enjoy._

_(Update 7/16/2011: Based on feedback, I cleaned up and modified a couple of scenes in here, and have changed the character name to something a little more, well…shall we say 'credible'?)_

* * *

><p>The sun was warm that afternoon on the Piazza San Marco. The pigeons were chasing each other, tourists were trying to capture their special moments on digital memory, and I was thinking that perhaps a small lemon gelato might take the edge off the day's heat.<p>

Suddenly, the device in my jacket pocket went off with a four note signal. I paused, thinking perhaps it was a mistake, a misdial. But then it sounded again. I sighed. That lemon gelato was just going to have to wait.

"Ben Credible here. What's the sitch, Wade."

"Major bad news, Ben. It seems like there must have been a villains convention or something, because we're getting major hits from all over the world. Kim and Ron are already headed to Europe to handle Duff Killigan in the UK."

"Typical. Well, it is closer to Middleton anyway and it is a school night. What does Kim need me to do?"

"Professor Dementor is up to something in Germany and Kim needs you to get to Munich as soon as possible. Think you can handle that?"

I stared at Wade face on the Kimmunicator. "I can if you have transportation arranged. I mean, it's not as if I could just walk right next door."

Wade smiled. "Let me see what I can do." He bent over his keyboard, his fingers flying. "Done and done - I had your ride already arranged; I just needed to confirm your location and mission status. Your gear is already on board."

I cocked one eyebrow at him. "Oh, you were that sure of me, were you? Fine. But tell Kim she owes me a lemon gelato. So, how soon will this ride get here?"

There was a sudden downward rush of air and rope ladder rolled down next to me."Is now too soon?"

"Show off. I'll call when I hit the ground in Bavaria." I stowed the Kimmunicator in my jacket pocket and grabbed the rope ladder which lifted me into the air and on my way to Germany.

* * *

><p>I took advantage of the flight to switch into my mission gear and use the Kimmunicator's memory to bring me up to speed on Dementor. Austrian mad scientist; he was more competent then Drakken, and a meticulous planner - his plans literally work like clockwork. Screw up one part and they usually failed. He was fanatical about carefully guarding and testing his plans. Oh, this one was going to be a tough nut to crack.<p>

I went forward to talk to the pilot. "Thanks for getting me to Germany so quickly, Agent Johnson."

"Don't mention it, Mr. Credible. After the assist Team Possible gave us on that classified submarine mission, it's all we can do."

"Well, that's nice of you, I'll be sure to tell Kim.-"

"No, sir." Agent Johnson looked up at me. "As I said, it's classified, so don't mention it. _This_ is all we can do."

"Ah, I see. Well, thank you anyway."

"No problem sir. ETA 10 minutes." He turned back his full attention to the controls. _Sheesh_, I though. _And GJ wonders why it can't recruit me._

The Global Justice helicopter dropped me off 30 kilometers west of Munich, near Dementor's compound and factory. Once I was secure on the ground and knew I was not being watched, I contacted Wade. "OK, Wade, I'm here. Give me the 4-1-1."

"Flynn Cognito, Global Justice Agent and master of disguise, has sent me a message. Dementor has taken over a Bavarian pretzel factory and converted it to make his Deliciously Diabolical Doomsday Dippers Pretzel."

I looked at the screen. "You flew me 340 miles because Dementor has gotten into the snack food business?"

"There's more to it. While these pretzels are very tasty, one bite of them puts the victim under total mind control."

"Oh. Well, that changes things."

"Yeah, well, it gets better. Agent Cognito infiltrated the factory and found out that the mind control is triggered using a musical tone, and that Dementor is planning on using it at the upcoming Global Summit to control the world's leaders."

"Uh, Wade, isn't that summit coming up soon?"

"Try two days from now." Wade look up at his monitor. "Hang on, Kim's calling in now - I'll patch her in to the conversation." The image on the Kimmunicator split, showing Kim on the left and Wade on the right. In the background I could see rolling hills and what appeared to be a lake and in the shadows...

"Kim," I said, trying to sound nonchalant, "is that the Loch Ness monster behind you?"

"Long story, no time for that now. I just got a message from Flynn Cognito, the Global Justice agent on the inside of Dementor's factory. He's located the musical trigger for the mid control pretzel formula, but he can't leave the factory to deliver it to you in person - not without blowing his cover."

"Well, that makes sense; I am the new guy in town and all. I'm assuming he's got a different plan?"

"Yes. He's getting it you in parts. He was able to visit the village of Strudeldorf earlier today, under the guise of a shopping trip and stopped in a couple of stores. The message he sent me has a set of words that he said would be all you'd need to figure out the location of the musical notes - toys, trains, Christmas, nuts, singing, steins, tiny village, squirrels."

Behind Kim there was the sound of bagpipes and an explosion. I heard Ron yell in the background, "Kim, he's back! Run!"

Kim looked at me from the screen. "I've got to go. I'll get there as soon as I can, Ben, but until then, you're on your own. Good luck." She cut out of the circuit and I looked at Wade.

"Did you get that list of items?"

"Got it in a file. Would you like that and the map of Strudeldorf sent to your Kimmunicator?"

"Please and thank you, Wade. Now let's see what I can find. I'll be in touch soon." I shut mine down and checked my watch. If I hurried I could be in town before sundown.

* * *

><p>Strudeldorf was one of those stereotypical Bavarian villages that seem to dot the Black Forest region - quaint and quiet, with little traffic. Just the kind of place where you'd want to hide things in plain sight.<p>

_OK. I'm Cognito. I need to get this info stashed, but accessible. Where to I start the trail of breadcrumbs..._

I looked at the list again. The first word was _toys_. A quick glance at the map showed a Der Teddy Ber Toy Shoppe in town. _That bears investigating_, I though, and then groaned at my own pun. So I set off down the street.

_Der Teddy Ber was typical Bavarian architecture - A-frame roof, exposed support cross beams and whitewash plaster exteriors, with exquisite carving and scrollwork on the trim. The second floor overhung the first, creating a small porch, and the large display windows showed the exquisitely crafted toys within. I walked in the door. The light was dim and the store was quiet - completely the opposite of what I expected from a toy store back home. The air smelled of leather and linen and time._

I thought about the second word on the list. _Trains_. Hmm. I was looking for something train related. At first glance, everything seemed to be related to porcelain dolls or stuffed animals.

From overhead, I head a small whistle. I looked up, and marveled at the sight. Suspended above me was a scale model train track that ran around the edges of the room, in and out amongst the shelves, treating book cases and displays like geographic obstacles to overcome. The train was painted to look like a circus train, with pictures of elephants and horses and aerialists, and tigers jumping through three rings of fire.

I carefully watched the train go by. Nothing. No message on it. I must have missed something. I wondered if I'd end up having to take the train down…

_No, wait,_ I thought. _What would Cognito have had time to do?_

I found the proprietor, a kindly gentleman who looked to be somewhere between 50 and death. He was bald with gold wire rim glasses, a white goatee, and a slight stoop. His smile was kindly as I approached. "Guten tag. I was admiring your train, but I was curious - how do you place it on the track? Do you climb on a ladder?"

"Oh no, mien herr. The tracks run throughout the shop, and into this display behind me, and then they come down into what we call our switching yard." He motioned me to look behind a curtain into the back room of the shop. "As you can see we have multiple trains, and we can switch them out as we wish."

Before me, I saw a thing of beauty - a counter area with a miniature switchyard, complete with four additional trains. One particular car caught my eye - a white box car with two large pretzels on each side. _Could it really be that easy?_ I wondered as I reached for the car, then I hesitated and looked at the proprietor.

"May I?" He nodded, then handed me the car to examine.

I cradled the car carefully and turned it over with both hands, ostensibly to examine the workmanship of the undercarriage. I could see that someone had recently inscribed three numbers on the base of the car: 8-9-8.

I handed the car to the owner. "I'll take it. Do you ship?"

"Of course, mien Herr. Anywhere in particular?"

"Yes, I have a friend back in America. He's a bit of a recluse, lives for computers. I think he'd get a kick out of this."

After I paid for the train car, I exited the store and ducked into a quiet side alley. Then I contacted Wade and brought him up to speed. Our resident boy genius was looking just a little confused.

"Hmmm. I thought we were trying to find a musical sequence here. I expected some sort of musical notation. You sure it was numbers."

"Yes, Wade, numbers 8-9-8. Look, I'm going to work on the next part of the sequence while you work on cracking the code." I flipped off the Kimmunicator and though back to the list. Where to next? Oh, right. Next on the list was _Christmas_.

_Christmas. In the middle of July. Great._

I started out onto the street but then ducked quickly back into the alley. Walking down the middle of the street was none other than the big baddie himself, Professor Dementor, along with a pair of his henchmen. I'd never squared off against the professor before, but the fact he was here could only mean one thing - I'd been spotted.

Dementor likes to be hands on when it came to Team Possible - he's been thwarted by us too many times before. I watched from my hiding place as he walked into _Der Teddy Ber_ and a few moments later emerged with a wrapped package. He quickly opened it, and then looked at the box car. In a moment, he found the scribed numbers. His hand clenched and he crushed the toy train car. "This will never due. Find him now! You hear me? Find him!" The poor guy, he sounded like he was ready to blow a gasket or something. Next time I see him, I am definitely suggesting decaf.

My job was now ten times more complicated. But Christmas it is. I pulled out the Kimmunicator again and started checking the town map for any references to Christmas. Oh, and to _nuts_ as well. As I'm scanning, I listen to the bells in the Strudeldorf City Hall play a tune that sounded oddly familiar. I glanced down at my left wrist. _Hmmm. 5:53 p.m… Either my watch is wrong or they are really early with the six o'clock bells in this town._

I continued to scan through the list of potential items – and found a really interesting possibility. The Strudeldorf Centreplatz had a community tannenbaum and on one of the streets fronting it had _Der__Nutcracker_, a store that sold nuts and dried fruits. I shut down the Kimmunicator and started to walk out to the street at the opposite end of the alley. At the last second, I ducked back into a doorway to avoid another patrolling henchman.

_Too close for my comfort_, I thought. As I peeked out, I noticed that the number of henchmen on the street has gone up by at least a factor of three. I was going to need another path. Well, I get to choose either high or low in these cases, and I do so prefer the brisk mountain air. I took my grapple gun from its right leg holster, aimed and fired. I snagged the roof top, pulled the line taut and quickly climbed up and over the parapet. Taking a moment to get my bearings, I crouched low and made my way carefully in the twilight across the peaked roofs toward the Centreplatz.

* * *

><p>I surveyed the park carefull from behind a parapet. I'd arrived at the opposite side from the shop, which was easy to spot. It had a 6-foot tall, fully articulated statue of a nutcracker on the sidewalk in front, which had tourists lined up to take pictures with it. I watched it carefully for any hidden switches, booby traps, etc. The tourists were pushing the statue's arms up and down, which made its jaw open…<p>

I stopped. Something was flashing inside the mouth of that nutcracker. The shape looked familiar.

I reached down and grabbed my field glasses from my left leg pocket. Powering them up, I zoomed in and focused on the mouth of the nutcracker. Someone had placed a Z-Boy promotional sticker with a flashing LED in the back of the mouth. I wondered if it was a signal of some sort when I spotted the graffiti inside the mouth. I zoomed in even closer and saw that it was a set of carved letters – the initials _GJ_ and then the letters _F-E-E-D_. .

I looked at that and whistled softly to myself. _Cognito, how the heck did you get away with doing that in a crowd?_ As I did that, some movement off to the right of where I was looking caught my eye. I zoomed the image out and swung it to the right –

And saw a Dementor henchman with a pair of field glasses looking right in my direction.

I quickly ducked again below the roof line so I wouldn't be visible from the street and contacted Wade again.

"F-E-E-D. That's good - that's the second part of the sequence."

"What is?"

"The musical notes F, E, E and D. Oh, and I got the first sequence solved, too. He switched to the Zippersystem."

"The what?"

"The Zippersystem Numerical Code - it's a code where numbers represent musical notes. It was originally used during -"

"Wade, I'm sure it's fascinating, but remember - mind control pretzels?"

"Oh, right, sorry. There should only be one more part of the trigger."

"That's good. But do we have any idea how he's going to trigger this gourmet snack attack of doom?"

"Still working on it. But I do have something for you. _Singing_ and _steins_ aren't two separate clues, but only one. Believe it or not, there is a souvenir shop that specializes in signs, and as one of their promotional displays, they have a set of steins that are programmed to sing."

I looked at Wade. "You're joking. Singing steins? Really? This case just keeps ratcheting up on the ol' bizarre scale. So where is this shop?"

Wade typed at his keyboard. "According to GPS tracking from your Kimmunicator, you need to go…" He stopped and looked at me, smiling." Downstairs."

I looked at the Kimmunicator, confused for a second, then what he said sunk in. "I'm standing on the building?"

Wade nodded. "Apparently so."

"OK, add two more points to the bizarre-o-meter." Carefully I peeked over the edge of the parapet at the street below."Well, that's a problem. I'd have to go down to street level to get in and the streets are crawling with henchmen. Which reminds me. I didn't see all these henchmen on the way into town. Where are they all coming from?"

Wade shrugged. "Beats me. But let me pull up the building plans." He started typing furiously, and I could see multiple windows were opening on his computer screen. "OK, there's an upstairs back window that leads to a storeroom without security cameras. You could go in through that and then down to the store that way."

"Sounds like a plan, Wade, You rock, as always." I switched off and headed for the rear of the building. Since it was warm, the window was already open - a lucky break, as breaking glass is always a dead giveaway. Quietly down the back staircase and before you could say "Grande size me," I was inside the closed souvenir shop.

I scanned the room. Security cameras covered the entire floor, meaning I was already having my 15 minutes of fame. It was time to move. I went quickly to the singing steins display – eight designs of various eras, all seemingly unrelated, and nothing on the box to indicate in any way that there was anything special about them, or that they were even a collection of sorts. _Which probably meant with my luck they were priceless_, I thought. Yeah, j_ust my luck._

I started examining the display box for any sorts of marking - painted, scratched, notes, Braille... there was nothing. The box was clean, except for a button that said "On."

Suddenly, a moment of inspiration hit me. I grabbed my Kimmunicator. "Wade - no time to explain. Grab and record the following sound file." I pointed the device at the steins and pressed the on button. Immediately, the steins sprung to life, sounding like a set of guys yodeling together. It vaguely reminded me of something - I had a picture in my mind of dwarves - and then 10 seconds later it ended. As it did, the front door to the shop burst open and in ran Dementor and two henchmen.

"A-ha! I thought it was you, Kim Possible! You shall not stop me – vait." Dementor looked at me in confusion. "You're not Kim Possible, or even that sidekick of hers. Who the heck are you?"

"Ben Credible. Kim's a little busy, but she sends her regards."

"So, this is better than I could have hoped for. It will be that much easier for us to succeed and –"

"Take over the world. I know. I hear that a lot. Look, I'm sorry guys, but I'm on a schedule, here. I'd love to stop and chat, but can't." I dropped the Kimmunicator into my right pocket, and turned for the exit.

Dementor yelled at his henchmen, "Get him!"

I grabbed the display box of singing steins, yanked the power cord from the outlet, and tossed it up into the air. When I did, Dementor shrieked "Ach, not mien babies!" and dove to save them, while his henchmen started after me.

I took three steps and then stopped short just as one henchman was about to reach me. I twisted to the left, as a matador would with a bull charging by. As the henchman missed tackling me with a surprised look on his face, I added a shove to his back, giving him just enough extra momentum so he continued – directly into a cabinet full of steins.

Suddenly a pair of arms reached around to grab me from behind. Before he could complete the hold, I raised my arms above my head and slid downward into a crouch, slipping though the henchman's arms. From there I swept out my right leg, knocking him off his feet and onto his back. His head hit the ground and I knew he was seeing stars, or little birdies or whatever it was Dementor's henchmen see.

I sprang out of the crouch and started sprinting for the back door. Suddenly, the display shelves just behind me exploded in a shower of splinters and ceramic shards. I dove and rolled behind a shelf to avoid the blast. I stopped to catch my breath for a moment. _That was a little too close_, I thought, then glanced up at a mirror on the back wall. In the reflection I saw Dementor, his left arm extended, moving slowly among the displays, looking for a target to fire at.

_Laser gauntlets. Typical._

As I watched him move between the shelves, I decided to make things interesting. I leaned my shoulder against the cabinet I was ducked behind, braced myself, and pushed, tipping it over. It toppled into the one next to it, which started a domino effect - shelf after shelf after shelf of souvenirs in the store came crashing down, until the last one fell over onto Dementor. I took advantage of the chaos and slipped though the curtain into the back room. I made a quick sprint up the stairs and then over to the open window. I aimed my grappler toward a nearby roof, fired, pulled the line taut, then activated the retractor and was pulled across the alley and up to safety.

* * *

><p>I sprinted over the rooftops toward the edge of town in the darkness, ducking at each cross street, which were filled with more and more patrols of Dementor's henchmen. As I evaded one patrol after another, my thoughts kept coming back to the same question: <em>Where were all these henchmen coming from?<em> There were hundreds of them now. If Global Justice had known about a force this size, they would never have set me down anywhere near here. No, these guys had to be coming from somewhere. But where?

Another street was coming up – a wide boulevard this time. I readied my grapple gun to allow me to swing between buildings. I shot, fired, pulled the line taut and then swung out on an arc-

- and over a line of people marching toward a building.

Curious, when I landed I stopped, reeled in the grapple and backtracked over to the roof's edge to watch them. They were in a single file line as they passed in single file into what I guessed was some sort of a school. A minute later, a second door opened, and a set of 20 henchmen filed out and lined up in on the street. Unlike the typical athletic Dementor hench-types, these folks looked to be all shapes and sizes. Another henchman went down the line, splitting the group up into five patrols of four, and then dispatched them into the town.

I realized what I was seeing. These were the ordinary citizens of Strudeldorf, but they were acting as if they were drugged, or zombies…

_Or under mind control_.

Obviously, Dementor had tested his mind control pretzels on them, and was making them into his henchmen - that's why those numbers kept growing. Inside those hoods the henchmen wore was probably earpiece so they would hear Dementor all the time, keeping them under his control.

This was a lot worse than we'd originally thought. I called Wade immediately. "Ok, boy genius, we've got a sitch. Dementor has already triggered the device here in town."

Wade nodded. "Let me pull up security cameras from the town." He started scanning through different feeds, seeing one image after another. His face grew progressively grimmer. "These folks are like zombies, but they can easily overwhelm anyone just with sheer numbers. If he actually pulls this off at the Global Summit..."

I shook my head. "OK, look, from your profile on Dementor, it says he's crazy, but he's meticulous - he plans and tests _everything_. Strudeldorf wouldn't have been his first test. He would have gone and tested on a much smaller scale." Then I remembered Cognito's next clue. _Tiny village, huh? That'd definitely be smaller scale._ Slowly, an idea dawned on me. "Wade, do you have real-time satellite photo access to the area?"

"Of course. You need to ask?" His fingers flew over the keyboard as he brought that interface online. "What are you looking for?"

"A tiny village. Or more specifically, an outdoor scale model train or something similar to that nearby..."

"Got it! There is an outdoor public garden that recently had a model railway and building display installed." Wade stopped and looked up from his monitor. "The buildings are a replica of Marienplatz in downtown Munich!"

I nodded. We had almost all the pieces to the puzzle now. "I'm heading over there. How far away is it?"

"About 5 kilometers. I'll send the coordinates to your Kimmunicator."

"Got it. One other thing. We need to figure out how he's going to trigger this thing. I'm hoping there's a clue out there. Maybe those notes and the fact that he's scouted out the Marienplatz will tell you something, too." I looked at my watch. It was already 10 p.m. Time was running out.

"OK, time to beat feet. I'm out of here, Wade." I shut down the Kimmunicator, stowed it, and I walked over to the edge of the roof. I looked down. I was three stories off the ground. "Just a little too far for me to jump," I said to myself, as I reached for my grappler.

"Oh, I think you will be able to make the leap just fine, Mr. Credible."

I turned at the sound of Dementor's voice - just in time for him to shove me with both hands backwards off the edge of the roof. As I plunged toward the ground, the last thing I remembered was his laughter getting louder and louder. Then I hit something very hard and the world went very dark.

* * *

><p>The next coherent thought I remember having was that the squirrels were very loud. This was followed by my body reminding me why falling backward off a three story tall building and landing on my back was a bad thing. Everything that could hurt did. Of course, the fact that it hurt was good. It meant it was all still working - I hadn't broken my back or neck in the fall. I started taking inventory of what I could and couldn't feel or move. It appeared that l was just blindfolded and tied up, with my arms behind my back and my legs together.<p>

I must have moaned during my inspection tour, because someone came along and removed the blindfold. It was the shopkeeper from Der Teddy Ber, only now wearing a henchman's uniform. He walked over and propped me up in a sitting position against the replica of the Neues Rathuas, the famous city hall of Munich. He then left down the garden path and disappeared around a clump of bushes.

For a moment, I found myself wishing I'd invested in a mole rat like Ron, or had a wrist version of the Kimmunicator like Kim. At least hers had a laser to handle ropes like this. My Kimmunicator was still sealed in its pocket, secured, but I couldn't reach it, and with no blade to cut the ropes, I was out of luck.

I looked around. It was still early morning –I could tell because there was still dew on the town model in places that were in shadow. But the sun was up, and from the angle, for at least 2 hours. _OK, probably 8 a.m. Well, I'll be well rested when he kills me._

I looked around again at my surroundings. The level of detail was amazing – the reproduction of Marienplatz was truly impressive, with the Old and New City Halls, the Glockenspiel, the Fish Fountain, the Column of Saint Mary's...

_The Column of Saint Mary's!_ _If I could use that to sit against, with my back to it, I could use the wings on those statues of the putti at its base like saw teeth to wear through the rope._I started to inch carefully, with every aching muscle and tendon screeching in protest, toward the column. I rolled myself over to it, then onto my side, and finally up into a sitting position. As I finished, panting from exertion, Dementor and his pair of henchmen emerged from the bushes, and came over to me.

"So, you thought you could stop me. But you see that it was a hopeless effort. I am going to take over the world!"

"Oh, please, give it a rest," I said. "I'm sore, and I'm sure you have some evil demise planned for me. Plus, you yell everything you say, which is really starting to get annoying. So can you just get to the point where you try to kill me?"

"Dementor opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out. He stood there, mouth agape, his face getting redder and redder."You shall not talk to me that way. In fact, you shall not talk again - ever!" With that, Dementor snapped his fingers and one of the henchmen opened up a paper bag and poured its contents on the ground.

"Are those..."

"Yes, Credible. Pretzel nuggets. And in our newest flavor - Sour Cream und Evil." Dementor let out a wicked chuckle. From the surrounding trees, squirrels from the park were descending on the pile. Soon, it was reduced to a few remaining crumbs.

I looked at Dementor. "That was your evil plan - starve me while feeding the squirrels in front of me?" I sighed and my voice became very flat and monotone. "Oh, how horrible. How terrible. He means to starve me to death by feeding the squirrels. Oh, the humanity."

Dementor's face became redder. He ground his teeth and walked over to me, He leaned down and grabbed the front of my shirt, until his face was just inches from mine. "Do you think of yourself as _funny_?"

I shrugged. "Well, that depends. I think I have funny moments, as all of us do."

Dementor released me and stepped back. _Keep him talking, Ben. Keep him talking._"Even you have them, Professor, although I think your moments are unintentional. I think you're pretty funny right now with the red face and the stuttering and the yelling and stuff. I know folks who would pay to see that."

Dementor looked for a moment as if he were considering that as a possibility. "Interesting. People actually pay to see things they think are funny?"

I nodded, stalling for time. _Almost there_. "True, Professor. Of course, you have one advantage I wouldn't have."

"Oh, and what's that?"

I felt the last strands of rope part between my wrists. I held my position, waiting for the right moment. Instead, I just smiled up at Dementor, a wicked smirk and said, "Well, you're pretty funny looking all the time."

Dementor's face grew stormy and he sputtered as he stood up. "Enough of this! Now you shall learn what the rest of the world shall find out tomorrow morning. Farewell, Ben Credible. We shall not meet again."

With that, Dementor turned on his heel and headed down the path. As he reached the edge, he turned, and said "I believe you and your friends would enjoy a little music." He pointed his left arm at me. In his hand was a black box with an antenna and a red ball atop it – a typical villain's remote control box from Henchco. He grinned evilly as he pressed the button.

The miniature replica Glockenspiel in the Neues Rathaus sang to life, playing a song that sounded vaguely familiar. As it played, I removed the ropes from my wrists and rubbed them to restore circulation into them.

As I started to work on the ropes binding my legs, I was vaguely aware that I wasn't alone any more. I looked up and noticed that the squirrels I had seen earlier eating the pretzels were all starting to come back. But this time, they weren't scampering. They were gathering together in a single group at the spot where the pretzels had been dumped. There must have been over 20 squirrels there, all facing each other, their eyes glazed over.

Then the music stopped.

As a group, the squirrels turned and started moving slowly in a single direction.

Straight toward me.

Oh, fudge.

I finished untying the rope from my legs and tried to stand up. Bad idea - they were still numb. It felt as if I were trying to stand up on two bags filled with glass needles. I fell over like a pine tree in a forest after someone had yelled timber, right in front of the three closest squirrels. Their demeanor changed from zombie to rabid in a heartbeat and they all want straight for my face.

I grabbed the closest squirrel and threw it like a baseball into the trees, It hit the trunk and slid down it. The other two were using my torso as a figure 8 course, biting as they went along. I thought quickly, then threw myself into a full body roll, like I was trying to put out a fire. After three turns, I felt a pair of "thuds" under my left side, and got up carefully. The squirrels were going so fast they had run headlong into the ground and concussed themselves,

I picked them up carefully. They were still breathing, but out cold. The one in my left hand had a nasty looking cut over its left eye. I figured they'd both wake up with killer hangovers, or whatever is the squirrel equivalent. I placed our two injury cases inside the replica old city hall, then moved to the far side of Marienplatz from the horde of zombie squirrels and grabbed my Kimmunicator. Wade's face immediately came online.

"Ben, where have you been? We -"

"No time to explain, Wade, I've got a major sitch here. I know how Dementor's going to broadcast the control song - he's going to reprogram the Glockenspiel at the Marienplatz in Munich."

"That's fiendishly clever, I'll have to- "

"Wade, will you listen! He's fed the pretzels to a bunch of the local wildlife here and triggered the control song with an order to destroy - specifically, me. Do you have that counter song ready?"

"Well, no, without knowing the type of instrument -"

"You know now!" I looked at the zombie squirrels inching closer, and felt cold sweat running down my back. I managed to stand up, buying me another couple of minutes.

"Listen, Wade. You have two minutes, maybe three, before you get to explain to both Kim _and_ my mother why you let me become squirrel chow.

"I'm on it." Wade's face became determined, his tongue sticking out of one side of his mouth like he did when he focused his attention completely on a task. But as the seconds ticked by, all I could hear was the tiny clicking of the hundreds of squirrel claws ready to rip me to shreds.

The distance dwindled down to six feet. "Wade..."

Five feet. "Wade, now would be good."

Four feet, "Wade!"

"Almost got it..."

As the leading edge of the zombie squirrel horde prepared to leap, I yelled, WADE!"

"Now!"

I held up the Kimmunicator in my left hand as a powerful set of tones poured out of it, screeching across the park…

…while in my right hand I held the first squirrel that had leaped at my face, catching it mere inches away from my eyes. I watched as the mind control faded and the squirrel went from crazed killer to confused and frightened woodland creature.

"It's OK, big guy. It wasn't your fault. You were just doing your job," I said to the squirrel as I set him down on the ground. He scampered away after his fellows and within moments, I was alone again.

I let out a sigh of relief, then looked at Wade's image. "Cut it a little close there?"

"You're welcome. So what now?"

"Now, we catch Dementor. Oh, and you send Global Justice in to Strudeldorf to free the people there with that tone."

"You got it. Transport to Munich?

"Please and thank you, Wade."

* * *

><p>I looked out across the Marienplatz from my vantage point near the Column of Saint Mary's and shook my head. "Kim, Wade, please explain this to me again. How is letting people eat the crazy evil mad scientist's mind control pretzels a good thing?"<p>

Kim looked sympathetic on her end of the comm link. "I know it sounds weird, Ben -"

"You think?"

Kim ignored the interruption, "-but if we want to catch Professor Dementor, he needs to believe his scheme is succeeding. Intercepting the pretzel shipment would have tipped him off. He goes to ground, regroups, and tries again somewhere else."

Ron Stoppable, Kim's partner and boyfriend, poked his head in from off screen. "And don't forget, KP, that no matter how sick and twisted the man is, you have to admit, except for the inherently evil mind control properties, he does indeed know how to make one very mean and tasty pretzel."

I sputtered at that. "Mean and tasty… you are aware, Ron, that those 'mean and tasty pretzels' almost got me eaten alive last night? By _squirrels_?"

Ron looked back, "Look, Ben, we've all been -"

I could feel my blood pressure rising and the slight beginnings of hysteria. "Squirrels, Ron. Cute fuzzy, furry, _zombie squirrels_! That was just sick and wrong, and it's time to take the man down!"

Wade, Ron and Kim all stared at me uncertainly from the Kimmunicator. Wade spoke up first. "Ummm, Ben, maybe you need to sit this one out. Kim, Ron, I can get you guys transport in 15 and have you in Munich in 2 hours..."

I shook my head. "I don't need back up. I understand the plan, and can handle this." My eyes narrowed and my voice lowered. "Dementor is mine."

Kim nodded and replied, her words carefully measured. "O.K., that's how we'll play it. But Ron and I are still on our way there, so that in case..." I started to protest, but she continued to talk over it. "...in case it's needed, we'll be there. And if not, we'll all just have a nice dinner together and then Ron and I'll head back to Middleton."

"Fair enough." I looked at Wade. "So, let me see if I understand this again. You've intercepted the change in the Glockenspiel music, and reset it to the original. When it plays at 11 a.m., Dementor will notice something's wrong, and we expect him to try to modify it."

Wade nodded. "Right. I'll block all outside access, so the only way to reprogram it will be from the console in the control room in the Neues Rathaus. Which is where you'll be. And I sent you a little present that will be waiting for you there. That should make the final takedown a piece of cake."

Kim spoke up. "OK, Wade, our ride is here. Spankin' job so far, you've already saved a lot of lives. Now let's wrap this case up and bring everyone home safe. See you soon, Mr. Credible." She terminated her connection.

I just shook my head. "All right, let's get this over with." I shut down the Kimmunicator and started across Marienplatz. I must have been offered three dozen free pretzels on the way across. I just growled at them and kept moving.

* * *

><p>Ron looked at me from across the table. "You are joshing me. You're a josher. Kim, you can tell, right? There is no way he got Dementor to do that."<p>

Kim smiled. "I don't know, Ron. Benjamin here can be quite persuasive when he puts his mind to it - and he doesn't even need mind control."

I chuckled. "I think I'll choose to take that as a complement, whether intended that way or not. No, it was really simple. The plan went off without a hitch. I got to the control room, set up and found Wade's present -

"Yeah, what was that, anyway?" Ron looked quizzically at Rufus, who just shrugged.

"Kim remembers this one. He made me a batch of that super stink formula and a gas mask. So at 11 a.m., the Glock doesn't rock, and Dementor walks in 15 minutes later to find me in a gas mask. I slide the open container over to him, and he and his two hench-types are out flat."

"Wow. That is some badical stuff. KP, I don't suppose Wade could whip me up a batch –"

Kim shook her head. "Don't even think about it."

"Anyway, when Dementor comes to, he's trussed up like a holiday goose, and the authorities are on their way. But we have a few minutes to talk. And I'm like, 'So, why the whole mad scientist? I understand the scientist part - you are brilliant. But the anger management part? That I don't get.'

"So he looks at me. 'I just get so frustrated when things don't go the way I plan, and my inability to handle that at times makes it so I am no longer a rational person.'

"'I'm not buying it,' I said. 'You can't come up with schemes and not be rational at least part of the time. So you aren't mad.'

"'Yes I am.'

"'No. Mad is angry. You _do_ have anger management issues, but Professor Demenrtor, the _Angry_ Scientist just doesn't really have any cachet.' I see Dementor looking at me, and he's starting to actually think about this. So I continue.

"'Now you could go by saying you're crazy, but really, no one thinks crazy is evil. Most people think crazy goes along with partying. You know, the Wild and Crazy Guy... although with your accent, you could actually pull that off."

Kim had just taken a sip of water and spit it out at that, bursting out in laughter. "Oh, you did not do that to him. That's cruel."

I smiled. "No, I didn't. I'm not that heartless. What I said then was 'Look, you need to have a measured approach. One that says, _I understand the world, and can be correct in it, at certain times. Thus, I deserve your respect._' So I suggested that he ask people now refer to him as Professor Dementor, the _sanity-challenged scientist_." I took a bow from the waist as Ron and Kim applauded.

"Surprised the heck out of me when he actually said it ten minutes later to that reporter downstairs."

Kim looked at her watch. "Well, we need to get back to Middleton. Major history project due next week. You?"

"Me? Same old, same old. Life as a young itinerant writer in Europe. I look, I watch, I write. I eat gelato. Which reminds me...:

"Uh, yeah." The teen started fidgeting with her red hair, a guilty look on her face. "Umm, my payday from Club Banana isn't until next week. Can I owe you?"

"Sure, Kim. You know you're credit's always been good with me." I reached over and shook Ron's hand. "You keep taking care of her. You two look good together."

With that, I stood up, headed out of the restaurant door and down the sidewalk toward the train station. Hopefully I could catch Eurorail this evening and not need to bother Wade for transport. He needed to sleep sometimes.

I decided to cut through the Alter Botanical Garden as a shortcut. As I came round a corner, there, directly in front of me, in the middle of the path, was a squirrel.

I stopped.

I stared at him.

He stared back at me.

I noticed he had a scar, just above his left eye.

You know, it turned out I really didn't need to take that shortcut. I still made it to the train with plenty of time to spare.


End file.
